Category: Writers Block
Days go by
I’m wrapped up in your arms
Enchanted by your face, by your love’s melody
And all the sweet Spring nights
Find me gazing at the stars
Blindly dreaming of reality, where love’s defined as you and me.
I wonder why
I ran from you for so long
Because it all feels right when you’re the one I hold
I tell myself that I
Used to be the one who’s wrong
Settling for less to keep my life from turning old
I turn
to him in hopes
That he will never go
But that’s not within my power to tell
And with love you never know
All I know is when I dream of him,
I’m filled with happiness
And his love is all I need to make me dance,
His love is all I need to make me dance.
I hate speaking my mind
When I feel I’m doing harm and I am
Offended by your space, by your silence haunting me, it seems
These days all that I find
Is that we’re not getting far, in fact I
Feel you’re being chased by this unwanted presence of me.
I still wonder why
Being together would be so wrong
Because it all felt right when you were the one I would hold
I tell myself that this
Emptiness won’t last for long
But that’s just wishful thinking taking control
I turn
From you in tears
And I don’t know where to go, I thought I’d be
Eternally cast under your spell,
But with love you never know
All I know is when I’m away from you,
My heart’s controlled with sadness,
Because love is what I need to save this dance,
Without love I am too weak to keep my stance.
I look at my life
And fall back into her charm
Transcended by the hope of what the future’s going to be
And all the sweet summer nights
Will find my open eyes and arms
Living a sweet reality, where my soul’s revealed for all to see
I wonder why
I ignored her serenity for so long
Because I thought I’d need someone else to make me whole
I see myself and I
Pray that each day will make me strong
To reach for more, to keep our world from turning cold
I turn
To her in love
Before it’s time for me to go, that day
Is not within my power to tell,
For with life you never know
All I know is when I appreciate her,
My future’s destined for greatness
And life’s love is all I need to make me dance,
The stars above become my hope, my soul’s romance,
There’s much more to live for when you give hope another second chance.
A little disorganized, but what stream of consciousness isn't? Some very good thoughts and images here. A little meandering, but that adds to the rellavance somehow. And, more importantly is this, you have written, expressed your self, unburdened your heart and mind, and although we often read other's writing for our own amusement and to find valuable insites, it is the author who benifits first and foremost from their own writing.
OMG...how critical! "disorganized", geez.
ah well, takes all kinds...
Ok, well the author does not seem upset, so, why are you? It was a review, ninety-five percent positive and completely honest. I think this is very good and I said so, and it is a bit meandering as I said, but I also said that that fact lends it reality and an emotional depth. Perhaps instead of dwelling on the one point of constructive critisism you might note all of the positive attributes of this work that I sighted. And perhaps, you might let the author decide whether they are offended by or happy about this review, instead of assuming that they would be upset by one tiny observation that is negative or even nutral lumped with many positive affirmations about their work. Or you could just ignore it and write your own comments instead of simply putting down the first person to review the poem.
A little disorganized? OMG. Brooke, Honey, that was fantastic. I loved it and it kept me captivated. Y is it disorganized? It's poetry. The beauty is not in the found in hhow u say it. The beauty is what is said. Poetry doesnt take on a form. That's from Alex. Either way, we both loved it. I love you.
aww thanks guys!
no i didn't find it critical, I found it interesting. I like getting things like that instead of just all positive things, and she didn't say it in a negative way, only stated it...maybe it appears disorganized...lol it made me smile though because if you think that's disorganized, my other stuff is worse because this is the most organized thing I've written lol because each verse kinda follows the same form.
thanks sam and chels also!
"His love is all I need to make me dance."
"Because love is all I need to save this dance,
Without love I am too weak to keep my stance."
There are so many lines I love in this poem, but those are just a couple. You've got great imagery and very real feelings going on here. I think this is something we can all relate to on some level, so in that respect it achieves its purpose. It's simply written, and in this case, that's a good thing. I do agree with Heather that it was a bit meandering, but as she said, it only adds to the overall effect. All my rambling is just to say that I really, really like this. Good job.
Well said, Chelsea.
I was simply expressing my opinion as I'm free to do. I thought it was fabulous!
Brooke, it's great, very thought provoking, the only thing for me against it, is the fact for me as a non poet, it was a little long, i began to lose interest towards the end, but thanks for sharing.
Nice one Brookes!
Um, prretty well written.